Sclero-what?

Some days are really great. Some days I actually feel like a normal person. It's those days I think I can do just about anything, like drive to Salt Lake early in the morning, pull an all-dayer at work, then go to dinner with friends, stay out late and do the same thing again the next two days. It doesn't hit me right away, which, I suppose could be both good and bad. But because it doesn't hit me, I tend to keep going hard. I feel normal, like I can do anything. But then it hits, and boy does it hit hard. The fatigue, the weakness, the exhaustion. I don't want to get out of bed. I get headaches, my stomach hurts, my emotions get all out of wack. I wish I didn't have to adult. Unfortunately, i do have to adult. I still have to get up, get ready, and go to work. I have to smile when I feel like crying, stand when I feel like sitting, move when I just want to curl up in bed and stay in one spot forever. If I took the day off every time I felt like cra...

I wrote this a couple of years ago, and my feelings haven't entirely changed, so I thought I would recycle it. The numbers are from 2015, so do the math to get the actual numbers. Mother's Day 2015. I was supposed to conduct, as I was the only member of the Relief Society presidency who would be there, so all morning I was thinking of a way to wish everyone a Happy Mother's Day without offending those who weren't mothers. It really got me thinking. I have read so many stories about women who get so incredibly offended on Mother's Day because they don't have children yet, or they have had trouble getting pregnant, or carrying children, or for whatever reason. As I thought about it though, people would choose to be offended whether I said something or not. So, I got up and wished everyone a happy Mother's Day. As I further sat through church, I watched the two babies that were in Relief Society with their moms. I just sat and stared at them and...

Today in church we sang a hymn that really hit close to home. It was one I haven't sung in a while, and as we sang, I was flooded with emotion. Though my posts would never really indicate this, volleyball and basketball weren't my only loves. Music was/is another. I am obsessed with music. I love to listen to it, find new bands, discover different genres. I love to sing. I don't claim to be Taylor Swift by any means, but I can carry a tune. I even had a classmate tell me I had a "really nice alto", to which I thanked him, then promptly told him to shut up. I love harmonize, and love when I find a soprano at church whose voice blends well with mine. I also love to harmonize with Ed Sheeran, James Bay, Shawn Mendes, and One Direction (to name a few). I'm way too embarrassed to sing alone in front of large groups of people, but get me alone, and I will serenade you. I also love to play the piano. I have played since I was 8 years old, took lessons until I wa...

If you follow me on instagram at all, you will know that I have some very strange dreams. For example, one of my more recent weird dream was about my friend Melanie and I being asked to pass the sacrament at some multi-stake conference being held in Cokeville, or most recently about how the singer Shawn Mendes replaced my dream boyfriend not only in the band they were in, but also as my boyfriend, and those aren't even the weirdest dreams I have had. I have had many dreams throughout the years where I am playing volleyball or basketball, but I am not able to play like I used to. Either my feet seem to stick to the floor, or I can't serve the ball, or I can't dribble the basketball. For YEARS I have had those dreams. Even in high school. Now, we have to back up a little more before I get to my point. My dad has been a volleyball coach for as long as I can remember. I feel like I basically grew up in a gym, and I am okay with that. Volleyball has always been a passion of ...

For some reason all my papers for my English class have been related to Scleroderma. This one we were asked to write about something we believe in. I may have been in a hurry writing this, so it doesn't really emulate how I truly feel about laughter. Seriously, nothing is better than laughing, especially when it is quiet around, and you are the only one laughing, remembering something someone said. Being able to laugh about anything, from sharks, to One Direction, to Dr. Pepper, to pretty much the most random thing that you can think of. It truly is the "best medicine". Thank you to all the people in my life who make me laugh. I love you all. Now to the paper... Life is full of unexpected twists and turns. One minute you can feel like you are on top of the highest mountain, and the next you feel as though someone shoved you from your perch atop that glorious peak. Not only do you fall, but it seems as though you hit every rock and tree on the way down. When this happ...

For my English class this semester, we were asked to write a "love letter." Not to a person, but to something. The clear topic would have been One Direction, but instead I chose a topic a little closer to me. Scleroderma. I thought I would share it here. Dear Scleroderma,             I have had a hard time deciding how to address this. For many, it may seem silly for me to not hate you. I guess it isn’t exactly true that I haven’t had those moments when I would like to be done with you, but in reality, you have done so much for me that I can’t help but love you.             Four years ago is when you started to make your appearance, though at the time I didn’t realize it was you. All I felt was pain and discomfort, fear and anxiety. It wasn’t until I learned your name, Scleroderma, that I felt any comfort at all. Finally being able to put a name to what I was going thr...