Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Mother's Day - Don't Be Lame!

I wrote this a couple of years ago, and my feelings haven't entirely changed, so I thought I would recycle it. The numbers are from 2015, so do the math to get the actual numbers.

Mother's Day 2015.

I was supposed to conduct, as I was the only member of the Relief Society presidency who would be there, so all morning I was thinking of a way to wish everyone a Happy Mother's Day without offending those who weren't mothers.

It really got me thinking. I have read so many stories about women who get so incredibly offended on Mother's Day because they don't have children yet, or they have had trouble getting pregnant, or carrying children, or for whatever reason. As I thought about it though, people would choose to be offended whether I said something or not.

So, I got up and wished everyone a happy Mother's Day. As I further sat through church, I watched the two babies that were in Relief Society with their moms. I just sat and stared at them and thought how wonderful it would be to be a mom.

Was I jealous? Absolutely! Was I angry? Not one bit.

The sacrament talks were given by a darling Samoan family. As I listened to the mom and dad speak, I couldn't help but think, "How could anyone possibly hate Mother's Day?"

A: We all have mothers!
B: We have all been influenced by mothers.
C: Hating Mother's Day because you aren't a mother, is like hating someone on their birthday because it's not your birthday. (Okay, bad analogy, but I couldn't think of a real good one!)

I think getting offended or hating Mother's Day is a totally selfish act. Am I saying that you can't be a little sad on that day? Not at all. But to come right out and say I hate Mother's Day, or I'm not celebrating Mother's Day is completely selfish.

Now, what do I really know about this topic?

Am I a mother? No.

Have I experienced the heartache of trying and not being able to conceive children? No.

Have I experienced miscarriages, or the loss of a child? No.

So what do I know, right?

Well, let me tell you about my situation. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (aka, LDS, or Mormon), and I live in Utah. I have been married for nearly NINE years, and I have ZERO children. If you know the typical Mormon stereotypes, you'd think I would have been kicked out of Utah seven years ago. For whatever reason we put off having children. There have been so many times during the past nine years that I've been sad, angry, and frustrated that it's never been my turn, and that EVERY OTHER WOMAN I SEE IS PREGNANT. (I do live in Utah.)

So, you could say that it was our choice that I haven't had children, but at this point in my life, it's not entirely my choice anymore. I have been 'sick' for the past 2 years. There is no possible way that my body could physically bear a child.

You think it doesn't kill me to think that this is something that could have been avoided had we had children earlier?

And then I think that even if I had children, would I be able to properly care for them? I mean, I can't bend over and pick things off the ground, I can't dress my self, I can barely lift my purse, so what makes me think I'd be able to pick up my crying child?

So, therefore, I am not a mother. I have not experienced not being able to conceive, or miscarriage, but I still CAN NOT HAVE CHILDREN. I'm not trying to be insensitive to those of you in those situations, I'm just pointing out that even though my situation is different than yours, the longing for a child is the same.

Okay, so now for the point of this. Again, I sat there thinking, "How could anyone get offended or upset on Mother's Day?" Yes, it can be a very difficult time and day, but if you choose to get offended about something like that, then you need to step back and take another look at your life. You are a woman. You are a mother. Maybe not now, but someday. Maybe not to your own children, but to nieces, nephews, cousins, neighbors, etc.

The sister who spoke gave a great example of her older sister who hasn't had the opportunity to have children of her own, but who still has cared for her siblings, and her siblings children like they were her own. I just think if I never have kids of my own, I'm still gonna be way cooler than my niece's and nephew's moms. I'll be the one that spoils them rotten, takes them to the park, on picnics, gives them their first fake ID. And, let's face it, kids think their aunts are way cooler than their own moms. So I've got that advantage.

I am not perfect. My close friends know that I often complain or get sad that I have no children. Some days are harder than others, but surprisingly Mother's Day wasn't one of them.


As my health has changed since I wrote this, I still don't know whether I could physically bear a child, but I have absolutely no objection to adopting. It's just one of those things that I can't decide on alone.

I didn't actually go to church this last Sunday. Not because I hate Mother's Day, or anything like that, the issue and anger that I currently have are not something I'm ready to discuss at this time, but I'm still grateful for mothers. And think it's dumb when people hate Mother's Day.

Plus, it's probably a good thing I don't have kids just yet, because I would put all you terrible mothers to shame.