Sclero-what?

Another reason I started this blog was so that I could write down small acts of kindness that I've received. I have worked at my job for over 3.5 years now, and I've gotten to know quite a few of our members. I know the majority by name, and a lot of times can guess what they want to do. A few months back I was talking with my manager and he mentioned that he's had quite a few members ask if I was doing okay. My response was, "Really? That's so embarrassing." Now, you have to remember that I don't want this thing I'm dealing with to be something that's noticeable, or affect my ability to do my job, but obviously there are some things that I just can't control, and there have been some things that have had to change. Plus, when you where gloves all the time, people really notice. Anyway, I didn't really believe him when he told me that. There have only been a few members that come in that I've told there was something wrong with me. ...

I made it through the cold January-March, dealing with the Raynaud's, still just doing my thin. I was able to play rec league volleyball, even though I had to make sure to bandage up my sore fingers and make sure they were warm. Have you ever tried setting a ball with cold fingers? It's a bit painful. But it was fun, and it got my out moving. In April I decided that I wanted to get in shape. I had gained a few pounds, and even though I participated in a "Biggest Loser" challenge in a digi scrap forum, I needed something to get me out and get me moving. I slacked off a bit after the last BL challenge, so I needed to get back to it. I found a semi-easy schedule to follow, and decided to just jump in. My hands actually did okay as I would run. They were super cold to the touch, but I think moving got enough blood flowing to them that they didn't turn the purpleish, however they would get super swollen, but it was okay. I was out running, working out to get into sha...

In December of 2011, I noticed that if my hands got really cold, they would turn white, and go numb. It just started in my middle fingers, and progressively got worse. I just thought it was really strange, but didn’t think anything of it. I'd just wear gloves and try to keep them warm. In January of 2012, they started turning a purpleish/blackish color when they got too cold, and they were really hard to warm up again. It kind of freaked me out, and one day at work I showed my co-workers. They kind of freaked out, so that kind of freaked me out. I ended up going to Instacare, where I learned that it was really expensive to go there. I kind of teared up when she told me how much it cost, and I guess she though I was crying because of my fingers. Needless to say those few tears got me in a bit quicker. The nurse came in and did all the basics, and then I waited for a bit longer. Of course by the time the doctor got in there, I had warmed up a bit so they weren't as b...

I’ve been debating for a while whether I wanted to blog about this, but after reading some other blogs about people going through the same things as me, I decided that blogging about my experiences could be beneficial in one or all of the following ways: A: It provides a bit of personal therapy. B: To possibly help someone else struggling with this same thing. C: To get my family & friends off my back (kidding…but only kind of.) I don’t really like talking about myself, or about how I’m feeling, so I can get kind of frustrated by the constant questions. It doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate them, because I really do appreciate the concern. I just don’t like showing vulnerability. I want to come across as this strong, somewhat independent woman, even though deep down I’m not. You just don’t need to know that. Hopefully by creating this blog I can convey my feelings and emotions in a more thought out way, and more in depth way than I could by a text or phone call. Plus, you d...