Some Humor

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Sometimes you just have to laugh when trials come upon you. I have lots of funny stories I could tell, but I had to share this. I saw it on a Scleroderma discussion website, where there are also some very helpful discussions that I've found. But this is called, "You Might Be a Scleroderma Patient If..."

You Might Be A Scleroderma Patient if....

  • Your skin is tight and shiny on one side of your body, with a crepe, pasty skin texture on the other;
  • Wearing lipstick is impossible as you no longer have lips;
  • You only have to shave one of your legs due to thick skin and hair loss; (this is not a problem I have. I swear my leg hairs grow 10X faster now that I'm unable to bend over and shave them. I went about 2 months without any form of attempted shaving this last time...not a pretty sight!) 
  • Change handed back to you at the store drops thru your hands onto the counter; (Greg knows this, which is why I can't be driving through a fast food drive thru. One time, however, I jokingly stuck my hand out to him for the change, and he dropped it, and like this one says, it went right through onto the car seat. It was really funny. It happens all the time at work too. Why do I think it's a good idea to be a teller?) 
  • You have waited in a restroom with a smooth, round handled door, for someone else to come in so you can get out;
  • A walk to the mailbox will result in a glorious tan due to hyperpigmentation;
  • Sucking thru a straw is impossible;
  • A trip to a new medical provider results in a crash course of Scleroderma 101....taught by you;
  • You have to select your convenience store based on who has hard plastic soda fountain cups as you are unable to hang on to a paper cup with thin plastic lid;
  • All of YOUR drinking items must be handled mugs;
  • Sport Bottles....IMPOSSIBLE;
  • You wait for company to have them open your pickle jars....ANY jars;
  • Check out clerks look at you strange when you politely ask them to break the seal on your soda bottle;
  • You smash your donut flat prior to taking a bite;
    • and your hamburgers;
    • and your Twinkie;
    • and every other thing you try to eat 
  • Your 5 year old picks up all the dropped M&M's and Popcorn; or in my case my husband...or I just kick them to some unseen place.... 
  • It's 98 degrees out and you are sporting a glove....or two;
  • You clap and make no sound;
  • Your children scream when you apply sunscreen for them as your curled nails accidently gouged them;
  • You live for the days you dig out the calcium "stone" from your current finger sore;
  • You re-gift the mani/pedi certificates you are given as you cannot STAND to have your digits touched;
  • You have patriotic extremities....always Red, White and Blue;
  • Going out for dinner has lost it's appeal as you will end up throwing it all back up;
  • When asked "How Are You?", you cheerful reply "Fine, Thank you" thinking....You really don't want to know;
  • You are unable to pass a field sobriety test; then you are unable to blow as the stick is rigid and too narrow;
  • You have 30 pairs of loafers as you can no longer tie your shoes.
  • You are told your plastic surgeon did a great job on your facelift...( but you never had a facelift )..
  • You have to find a lab, lab technician or doctor who can get blood from your non-existent tiny scarred veins using a butterfly needle.
  • When you try to speak on the phone, your breathlessness makes you sound like an obscene phone call!
  • People keep telling you how "tan" you look and ask whether you've been in the sun somewhere warm (I wish!)
  • People feel sorry for you because your parents "didn't get braces placed on your teeth" (I'm actually a bit concerned about this one....thanks parents! jk...but really I am a bit self-conscious about this one for sure.)
  • You can no longer whistle
  • You consider having "safety bars" in your bathroom (luckily my house comes with them!)
 Oh geeze...these are so sad...but so true. I laughed when I read them.

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